One Word Answer

It was the look of relief on her face. It was the lack of passion in her eyes that expressed everything to me. My words should have sparked a conversation, an argument or at least some concern. But there was no concern on her face, only relief. Relief that it was finally over. Relief that she no longer had to pretend.

I didn’t need to hear the single word reply to my non question – “Alright.” That was all she said, alright. That one word the broke my heart. My best friend, my lover, my companion for over ten years, crushed me with one, single word. That was the moment, the moment I finally knew. The moment I knew something that she apparently had known for a long time. That was the moment that our relationship ended.

I think about that day and it still saddens me. I was suggesting a way that we might get past the troubles we were having. I wanted to try and create an opportunity for us to triumph in a game that most people lose. But the conversation I had practiced in my head never played out. I never got past the first sentence. I never got past the one word answer.

Many of our friends ask me what happened between us. How could we break up? We had the perfect relationship. Together for more than ten years. If we can’t make it, then who can? I can’t tell you exactly why our relationship ended, but I can tell you exactly when it ended. At least, when it ended for me.

It has been almost two years since that day and I still reflect on our “perfect relationship,” mainly trying to figure out why it ended. What caused the chasm that grew between us? Many of the answers still elude me. I accept that I may never understand why this happened. Maybe the differences between us were more than we could overcome. Maybe we are both too uncompromising to ever have a relationship that can stand the test of time.

I may never understand why our relationship ended. For now, I will have to be content in understanding when it ended. Content with searching my soul for answers that I may never find.