And Then Shake Vigorously

If you want a recipe for disaster, I have one for you.

Put seven adults and seven children, (three generations of the same family) in the same 5 BR 3 bath house for three months. I have seen it in person and I can tell you that this is a powder keg and you don't want to be around when it explodes.

To the residents:

I know this is a stressful situation, but if you guys would communicate better with each other, many of the issues you are having would seem minor instead of earth shattering. I have heard from you all on separate occasions and I can give you but one piece of advice. Talk to each other instead of talking about each other. You are family after all. A family of very stubborn, hard headed people who think they know what’s best for everyone, but family nonetheless.

If you think it is impossible to speak to the other people, because they never listen…guess what, that is what they think about you as well. If you need a mediator, I would be happy to offer my services. I am on the outside looking in and my opinion is not clouded by the actual stress of the living conditions. However, if you want me to mind my own business, I will. But I want to leave you with a few thoughts.

1. If you have gotten to the point where the only way you think you can get your point across is to start yelling, then you have already lost. The real art to communication is not talking (or yelling), it is listening. You need to listen and try and understand their point of view, not defend yours. I am not saying you need to agree with what they are saying, but at least try and understand why they are saying it.

2. Try having these discussions when you are both calm. You are a bunch of hot heads and trying to express yourselves when you are mad will never work. Put it on the back burner until you are both calm and willing to listen. Schedule a meeting to talk with each other.

3. Be careful. You are damaging your relationship with your family right now and this damage can have far reaching affects. Don’t let the current temporary situation destroy your relationship for years or for ever. As a member of the family who refused to speak to another member for over ten years, I can tell you that, if that happens to you, you will never get those ten years back with your sibling and you will regret it, no matter how necessary you thought it was.