A Letter To My Ex

D,

When we spoke over Christmas, you said something that has been bothering me. During our conversation, while we were talking about the detox program I am going on in a few weeks, the subject of journaling came up. I mentioned that I was trying to write a book or short story, not sure which it will be when I am done. Your response was one of worry. That I might write you into my story as a bad character. First off, get over yourself…the book is not about us. As I explained it takes place in the future and is more about my ideas as to what will happen if this country continues down the path we seem to be on.

More importantly, do you really think I think of you that way? Do I seem angry with you? Have I ever given you the impression that I blame you for our break up? If the answer to any of these questions is yes, then I truly apologize. I do not think that you caused our break up. If anything I think the only thing you are responsible for is putting up with me for far to long.

I think we are people who just want different things in life. I think these differences have always been there, but we got to a point where we couldn’t overlook them or compromise anymore. I mean seriously, I want to live in a city with all the hustle and bustle and nightlife. I want to spend Sundays in bed watching football and eating fresh bagels I picked up at the corner deli. I want a doorman, a subway and to not have to call for a cab because they are everywhere. I want to make love three times a week and have sex the other four. I want to go out into the city and find fun no matter where it is. I want to be able to walk to a museum, a play or a movie on a Saturday afternoon. I don’t want to have to do yard work. I want to live abroad or at least travel there as much as possible. I want to buy what I want when I want it and not worry about what is going to happen when I am 65 years old. I am always looking for the adventure in life or at least to have a good time.

I am sure that most people would think all that sounds great. And I am sure that it is for a while. The problem is that what you want is so different. You like more stability in your life. You want to live on a ranch and rescue horses and any other animal that might need help. You don’t like the hustle and bustle of the city and you don’t mind being away from civilization. OK, you would totally go for laying around on Sundays and watching football, but we would have to make our own breakfast. You also like to travel, but I doubt I will ever get you to agree to live in Italy with me. You worry about the future, your bank account and how little money you have been able to save. You want to make love like a couple that has been together for ten years. Your life is about planning and hard work. I am not saying you don’t like to have fun, but everything has its time and place.

If anything, we are two people who have only ever really had one thing in common – the need to be with each other. I am quite sure you still feel about me the same way I feel about you. I can hear it in your voice when we talk. Maybe it isn’t love like you read in the fairytales, but it is love nonetheless. Who knows, maybe one day we will find a middle ground, but for now it seems that neither of us is willing to compromise as we had done for the last ten years. And that is OK.

So don’t worry, I don’t hate you. I am not mad at you. I don’t blame you for my lot in life. I don’t think ill of you in any way. If anything I think of you as I have done since the day we met. You are my closest friend. A friend I hope to never lose.

Love,
Blue944