I have two small things that I thought I would share with you guys today. But before that, I would like to say to all of you out there that are apprehensive about posting your picture on your website, that it is not painful. It is actually kind of a relief to get it over with. OK, now on with the rest of my life.
First, I would like to thank my boy G-Things for suggesting a new route for my daily commute. G is in the cubicle next to me and despite my personal feelings for him, he is actually a pretty cool guy. Kidding G – you actually aren’t that cool. He suggested that I take some obscure freeway to work that has very little traffic. His suggestion has cut mucho time off my commute. I was actually able to drive to work without having to slow down below 50 MPH on the freeway. That’s right I said 50 MPH. Those of you that have commuted to work in California know that you don’t usually get to use both a five and a zero together to describe your speed on the freeway. It is more like 5 MPH or at a dead stop.
Now, it might have been a little more helpful if G had made this suggestion, like say, three and a half months ago, instead of a week and a half before I don’t need to make this damn commute anymore. He is going to want to say that he suggested this a long time ago, but the truth is the only thing that makes his way faster is the addition of this obscure freeway, which he just told me about. Without it, my commute time could be double. He also could have gotten me to try this much earlier if he had mentioned three little words – NO CARPOOL LANES. My loyal readers (thanks to the two of you) know how I feel about carpool lanes. If you are new go here, or here or here and you will see why I despise the carpool lane. Thanks again G, at least my commute for my last week will be much smoother.
The next thing that I wanted to share was they released the latest California high school testing results. It seems that my high school ranked number 2 in the high school exit examination testing. This is where they test the seniors and see how smart they are. Hooray, we finished 2nd. Wait a minute. In looking at this again, I realize we finished 2nd from last. We are like the 2nd stupidest high school in the state. The only redeeming factor is that my bosses high school, which is very close to mine, finished as the stupidest high school in the state. Did I mention that his high school has held this honor for four years in a row? We are so proud.
So it seems that not only do I live in the ghetto, but it is the stupid part of the ghetto as well. I think maybe they are just not asking the right questions on these tests. Maybe they should have asked - What gang colors would you not wear to school? What is the proper technique for stealing a car? What are the visiting hours at San Quentin? - then WE would have done better. I don’t think just asking questions on math, English and history is very fair. Who uses those skills in the ghetto anyway?
To the newly graduating class of my former high school, I have but one thing to say – Good Luck in Prison.
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