What Did Dad Say?

I was reading my son, Nick's, blog this morning and he quoted something that I had told him a while ago, at least the way he remembered what I had told him. See parents, your kids do listen and sometimes they even retain what you say. It got me thinking about all the things my dad used to tell me as a kid. I wondered how much of it I had actually retained and still used today. I immediately thought of a few good pearls of wisdom that my dad ingrained in my memory over the years. Here are a few:

1. "Don't ever eat at a place called moms or pops." I can't really remember why exactly, but I don't think the reasoning was as important as following the rule.
2. "Don't ever play cards with someone named after a city or state - like Dakota Jim or Amarillo Slim." Now, as a guy who has played his fair share of poker with professionals, I can tell you this is a real good advice.
3. "It is not what you say, it is how you say it." He used to tell me you can call someone a cock sucker if you say it right. Tact my friends.
4. "Learn to take care of yourself, because no one else is going to do it for you." I learned this lesson, sometimes the hard way, and have been very independent ever since.
5. "Anything worth doing, is worth doing right." This is where my OCD started.
6. "Never date a girl whose daddy calls her princess, because by now, she believes it." Enough said.

I too have spent many hours talking with my son about life over the years. But there is one conversation I have had with him more than any other. I believe that it is probably the most important concept that I ever tried to make him understand. I am sure when Nick reads this, he will already know exactly what is coming. That tells you how often I drilled this into him.

Life is all about options.

Giving yourself options in life is the most important thing you can do to ensure happiness. I never tried to tell Nick what he should do with his life. I think every child needs to find their own path in life. I encouraged him to follow whatever dream he had. What I stressed was the importance of giving himself the option to follow his dreams. If he grew up and decided to be a video store clerk (or in Nick’s case, the guy working at the skateboard shop), he was free to do that. That would not be hard to accomplish, and if he was happy, I would be happy for him. But what would he do if he grew up and decided he wanted to be an astronaut? Wouldn't it be nice to have the option to try and be an astronaut? This is how I tried to stress the importance of school. How I tried to stress the importance of learning and always doing your best.

Now I had this conversation with my son many times. Once is never enough with a teen. But I am proud to say that after a while, I started to see a change in him. He opened up to trying new experiences. He began to see that he was more than just what people labeled him as - a "skateboarder." I told him many times that skateboarding was something he did and enjoyed, but it did not need to define him. I told him he needed to define himself. And to make sure that when had defined himself and decided what to do with his life, he had the option to try and make that a reality.

Nick was always a good kid - well most of the time. And he is well on his way to being a good man. He is starting college this year - in a week or so. I hope he knows that I am behind him and I am here if he needs me. I am very proud of him. I still think he should take my advice and transfer to NYU for his last two years. Don't we always want our kids to live our dreams? College in Manhattan - definitely my dream - not so sure it is his.

Not that I am done teaching Nick, but I don't have any more children. I have now taken to trying to help my nieces and nephews find their way in the world. Not that I think any of them are really listening to me, but I have had this conversation with a few of them. It is a big task as I have 9 nephews and 6 nieces to work on. Who knows maybe one or two of them will hear me and head my words.

Speaking of nephews, the latest entry on my picture page is a recent picture of one of my nephews. Stop by and check it out. Most of my N and Ns are to small to understand what I am trying to teach them, but I still try to make them see - options, the key to life is giving yourself options.