For Public Distribution

Date: March 28, 2005
To: My Fellow Members of the Male Species
From: A Concerned Member of the Male Species
Re: Our Recent Behavior

I would like to take a moment and send a message to all the members of the male species. I will say this as nice and tactfully as I can. PLEASE STOP FUCKING OVER THE MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX. I am not sure if you dumb asses realize this, but by screwing over the females of our species, you are fucking things up for the rest of us males. In the future, I would ask that my fellow males follow these simple guidelines pertaining to their behavior toward females:

1. Stop lying to women. Try being honest with them. Tell them that you are not interested in a relationship. That you are just looking to have some fun. You might be surprised at the results.
2. Quit cheating on them. If you are in a relationship, make it a monogamous one. If the girl you are with is not “the one,” then end the relationship before any permanent damage is done. Better to be truthful with her now than cheat on her. Don’t destroy her trust that just fucks it up for the guy who comes along and thinks that she is “the one.”
3. Quit playing games with women. A good woman is hard enough to find. When you screw with their minds, all it does is make them suspicious of the rest of us.

Might I suggest that, in the future, you treat every woman you meet like you would like the rest of us to treat your sister. If your current asinine behavior does not change immediately, more severe action will be taken.