Profile Part One

As I mentioned before, I signed back up on eHarmony. I did not just reactivate my old account, I actually started from scratch. I answered all of their questions and filled out their forms. From these many questions, they gave me a personal profile. I thought I might share some of it with you and my thoughts.

The first section of the profile I received is about Agreeableness, which describes your interactions with other people. I was best described as:

USUALLY TAKING CARE OF YOURSELF

When I read this initially, I thought they really have no idea what they are talking about. Then I read on.

Words that describe me:

• Perceptive
• Realistic
• Demanding
• Down-to-Earth
• Hardnosed
• Judgmental
• Pragmatic
• Skeptical
  

Alright these words might be closer to describing me, except maybe judgemental, so I read on.

A General Description of How I Interact with Others

You are clearly a compassionate person; you believe that you should do unto others as you would have them do unto you, and you know that friends help their friends. But with you compassion is just one side of the coin; the other being a side that also expects others to hold up their end of the bargain. So you help others but it is with the expectation that others don't take advantage of you or try to put one over on you. In short, you expect others to treat you as you treat them.

And for those people who do ask for help when they should have taken responsibility for themselves? This is the time when your more hard-edged side comes out. You are skeptical of people when they expect others to bail them out of trouble; if they got themselves into the bind, they should work their way out of the trouble. If it's an emergency, or if it's a friend who has been there for you when you have had hard times, you are there in a quick minute. But you are a discerning person and to you there is a big difference between an emergency and a self-inflicted wound. You just look at the facts: how the situation developed, how serious the situation, and how they can or cannot get through things on their own. The history you have with the person and with similar situations will inform you whether this is or is not a time for you to get involved.

You also have some limits when it comes to being with people. Sure some people need to be with others all the time and seem to get recharged by helping out most anyone else. But that's not you. You know that you do best if you spend a fair amount of time on your own. Not that you are a loner, just that time spent by yourself is not wasted at all with you. You've come to understand that if you don't take good care of yourself, eventually you'll be not good to anyone, including yourself or others.

So your compassion is tempered by realism. Your sympathy for people in trouble is balanced by a critical evaluation of how they got themselves to the place they are. And you've learned to take good care of yourself, so you have something to give to your friends or others truly in need.

OK, they nailed it. This really does describe me to a tee. A little scary.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You

Some people may see your practical style as lacking compassion. When your compassion is tempered, as it is at times by your discerning questions and careful consideration, it may seem to some like you have too much head and too little heart. And when you use time and energy to take care of yourself there will inevitably be some who see you as selfish and uncaring. But your approach is neither heady nor selfish. It is you. And unless your approach is causing you consistent problems in important relationships, there is really no reason to change. Your distinctive manner of having clear expectations for the relationships in which you will exert your energy is true to the core of you.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You

The truth is that most people respect someone who knows themselves and what they want. So even if some people don't get exactly what they want from you often they will leave with a deeper respect for you. Your frank and honest approach may help someone to help themselves when they didn't think this was possible, and they wind up better off: they're out of trouble, they did it on their own, and they have you to thank. And you were, again, true to yourself.

OK, so maybe there is something to their method. I am happy that the explanation doesn't sound near as bad as "Usually Taking Care of Yourself" does. At least it doesn't to me.

I am reminded of something I heard years ago. People who come from poverty and make it rich are less likely to be sympathetic toward people in poverty than someone who is born into privilege. This seemed backwards to me at the time, but the person who elevates themselves from tougher beginnings, tends to think that if they did it, then everyone should be able to as well. Not that I was ever really poor, well except for those first few months in Chicago with D, but I think the same principle applies to taking care of yourself. I have always felt that we are responsible for our own decisions and that we need to be able to take care of ourselves and not rely on other to do it for us.

There are four other sections in the personal profile. I will try to share them with you guys later.