I can look back at my next life moment and say that it was the best thing that ever happened to me. However at the time, I didn’t think I would live through it. My defining life moment number three is the day my wife told me she loved someone else.
It was a time in my life when I was still innocent in the ways of life. I was 20 years old and had been married for about two years. Nick had just turned one that month. We were living in a small town in the central valley of California. I was in my third year into the Navy and I thought my life was good. I had no idea that my ideallic world would soon come to a crashing end.
We lived a few hours from both of our parents and my wife had gone home for the weekend, taking Nick. I looked at the weekend as a good time to get on the golf course with some of my buddies and have some fun.
My wife came home on Sunday night from her weekend. We said hello the way most young couples do when they spend time apart. When we were done, she started to cry. I asked he what was wrong and that is when she told me. “I can’t do this anymore. I am in love with someone else and I want to move in with him.”
My world came to an end at that moment. I didn’t know what to say, or what to do. I wasn’t prepared or mature enough to deal with those words coming from the woman I loved. I think we were both quiet for a while. Then I did what I always did, I went into fix it mode. I told her that whatever the problems were we could get through them. That we would work on our relationship. That it wasn’t over. This is the naivety that only a 20 year old can have.
She didn’t leave right away. We spent a few weeks pretending we were trying to work things out. But our relationship was doomed the moment those words came out of her mouth. Within a month, she had moved out and was living with the other man.
I never thought I would get over that day or the devastation of those words. In that moment I lost both my wife and my son. I was very bitter and went into a downward spiral of self destructive behavior. I drank to much, slept with women randomly and my work was terrible. If I had a regular job, they would have fired me for sure.
It took me a long time to trust a woman again. But I did meet one and her unconditional love brought me back. Our timing was not always good, but she did help me heal and move on with my life. I wrote a three part post about her and out five year turmoil a while ago (parts one, two and three).
So why do I look back and say that this moment was the best thing that ever happened to me? Until that moment, I had always been burdened with a lot of responsibility. And my life would have continued that way. It was that moment that set me free. It allowed me to be the kid I was never able to be growing up. I was able to focus on me for a while. I was able to be selfish. To have fun. To grow and understand myself. It may have been the hardest time in my life, but I really did come out the other side a better person.
Oh and as for my ex, she is still with that same man. They have been married for over 15 years and have two children, so I say that things worked out for her as well.
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