My Dad

I am sure that right now there are a lot of posts out there about dads. Well, this is mine. Let me start with a little clarification. My dad is really my step dad. My biological father left my mother, my sister and me when I was about three years old. I have not seen him since and have no memories of him at all. My mother and my step dad met shortly there after and so he is the only dad I have ever had in my life. He is the man who imparted my beliefs, morals and ethics. I have never referred to him as my step dad. He has always just been my dad.

Now, I would like to say that I grew up in a Norman Rockwell setting, but that just wouldn’t be true. My childhood was difficult for many reasons. My dad was definitely one of those reasons. As I have grown older I have come to realize that life’s difficulties can have a serious affect on young people. This can be especially true for young people trying to raise a family under difficult circumstances. Young people make mistakes in life. My dad was no different. There were many troublesome issues surrounding him so long ago. Issues that I don’t think anyone would have dealt with well. I am sure my dad looks back at his youth and feels much regret. I don’t think he has ever forgiven himself for those early years. I am not sure that he realizes that I forgave him many years ago. Hopefully he can forgive himself one day.

I often wonder what he thinks I look back on in my childhood. If he wonders what my childhood memories are. Well let me tell you some. I remember the fun of holidays with my family. I remember the times you spent teaching me to play baseball at the park. I remember the bike you gave me when I was about ten. I remember learning to drive in reverse. I remember the ridiculous science fiction movies at 2:00 AM in the morning. I remember you working too much to make sure we had nice things. And most of all I remember how there was never a doubt in my world that my parents loved each other. Those are my memories so, dad, you can stop worrying about me. I am good.

Lately I have realized that it is his guilt from his youth that has sculpted my dad’s life for the last twenty plus years. I think he has spent years trying to make up for his youthful mistakes. Today he is an unbelievably generous man – to a fault. He has sacrificed many things in his life to support his children and now his grandchildren. He spent 30 years working a job he despises just to take care of his family. Even today, he is always there to help out his children. A fact that I think they sometimes take advantage of. Your children are adults now, your job is done. It is time for them to make it on their own. You raised four children and supported two others and now have sixteen grandchildren. Your job as a dad is done.

So dad, my message to you on this father’s day is this. You are getting ready to retire and that is well deserved. I only expect you to do two things the rest of your life. Take care of my mother and take care of yourself. I would like you to be in this world for a very long time. I worry that won’t be the case at the pace you are going. Enjoy your retirement and your time as a granddad. Free yourself from the stress of your life.

You should know that in my mind, your legacy as my dad will not be judged by a few years of turmoil, it will be judged by a life time of great deeds. You should know that no child ever had a better dad in life. I feel incredibly lucky that you were there all those years ago to become my dad. I love you Dad.