Tell me how you really feel

I was talking with my son, well IMing actually, and he reminded me of a story I told him a long time ago. My son always seems to remember the important things I try to teach him. This is the story I told him when he was 15 and having problems acclimating to a new school and city.

When I was in the Navy, stationed on my little island, I got to know some people pretty well. Well that isn't true. I saw the same people everyday, all the time. I worked with them, I ate with them, and I drank with them. It's how I imagined living in a really small town would be, a small town of only 600 people. Needless to say, in that small a group, personalities were going to clash.

Anyway, here is what happened to me. I was drinking, not a surprise, but was not drunk, a big surprise. There was a Seabee who was leaving the island the next day in the bar, drunk. I really didn't know this guy well. We never hung out or even really spoke to one another. He was sitting watching me play pool. I had been beating people on the table for a while and was feeling good about myself. He called me over and this is how the conversation went.

Him: “I wanted to tell you something before I leave the island tomorrow.”
Me: “OK”
Him: “I don’t like you.”
Me: Nonchalantly, “OK” and I try to go back to my game.
Him: “Wait, wait, you don’t understand. I really don’t like you.”
Me: “OK” and again I try to go back to my game.
Him: “Wait, wait, you really don’t understand. I don’t like you and if I ever see you out in the real world I am going to kick your ass.”
Me: *leaning in close* “You know I owe you an apology. Because somewhere along the lines I gave you the impression that I give a shit what you think. For that, I'm sorry.” And with that I walked back to my game.

I think he was stunned to find out that I could care less how he felt about me. Why do people we don’t even know think that their opinion of us means anything? More importantly, why would any of us care about the opinion of people we don’t even know? I realized a long time ago that there are very few people in this world whose opinion means anything to me. Those people should be your friends and your family. If you are not sure whose opinion counts to you, ask yourself this. When you are about to make a life altering decision, who do you turn to for advice? Who becomes your sounding board? These are the people whose opinions you value. These are also the only people who should be able to say or write anything that can hurt you in any way.

I am happy that my son heard my story and listened. It made a difference in his life recently. He was able to be the bigger man and walk away without letting someone’s stupidity get to him. He is wise beyond his years as it took me a lot longer in life to learn these lessons.

In case you were wondering, I've never run into my opinionated Seabee friend in the real world. But rest assured, if I do, I will be just as happy to not give a shit about his opinion now as I did back then.