My Credo, Laughing and Lessons Learned

Don't sweat the little shat, and remember that it is all little shat.
My Credo

I had a long conversation with my ex this weekend. We talked for about three hours on the phone. We speak to each other every few weeks as we still have some financial matters that tie us together. For the most part our conversations are civil as we have never really argued much. Even our break up seemed matter of fact considering we were together for over ten years. More like we started spending more and more time apart and then just stopped seeing each other. We had very few conversations about the break up. I moved out and she bought her own place. That was over a year ago.

Our conversation this weekend was somehow different. We talked about our lives, our jobs and all the things we are doing now. We laughed at each other and it reminded me of the fact that we were friends before we were involved. That she was my best friend before we were married.

A few months ago I told her I wasn't sure we were ever friends. At the time I wasn't trying to hurt her, I actually believed what I said. You see her and me process feelings and emotions in a different way. She is a worrier, someone who thinks about the future and plans her life accordingly. I told her for years that she spent too much time worrying about things that she couldn't do anything about. That she spent way to much time outside her circle of influence. She always sweats the little shat. Because of this, I am sure that she knew and accepted that we were not going to make it long before I came to that conclusion. I am not sure this made it easier for her, more like she had to cope with the feelings a lot longer than me.

You see, I am more of the compartmentalize your feelings, don't deal with them until it becomes necessary, type of person. A process I developed as a child. I don't sweat the little shat. So when the break up happened, it felt like a sudden decision to me and left me trying to deal with a range of emotions. It was difficult for me at the beginning, but I know now that she went through the same ordeal, just a lot sooner than me.

I think this difference between us really affected the way we communicated in our relationship. We talked about many things in 10 years but we did not talk about US very often. This is more my fault than hers. I believe that you need to learn life lessons from every failure you endure - learn from the successes as well. One of the life lessons I learned from this failed relationship is that you can't avoid your emotions. That communication is truly the most important part of any relationship. Something I am working on and this web log helps.

Who knows, maybe time will allow us to be friends again. However, I don't think we will ever have the relationship we had before we decided to start dating. There is definitely too much history between us for us to just forget and start hanging out together as friends. Right now I am just happy that we have gotten to a point where we can share our lives and laugh with one another.

I know there are some tough times ahead for the two of us. We will have to deal with the actual divorce process and I don't even like to think about dealing with the eventuality that one of us will decide to start dating again. I am sure she has thought about it and is probably ready to deal with me dating someone new. I, on the other hand, will wait until it happens to deal with it, but at least I am thinking about it now. A little improvement at least.