Another Question Answered

All of us have questions that root around in our brain constantly. Questions that keep us awake at night and fill our daydreams. I am no different as I am constantly searching for the answers to the most important questions in my life. Well, one of these persistent questions has finally been answered for me.

Why are there so many damn toothpastes?

Come on, I know you have thought about it, albeit more likely while you are standing in the supermarket staring at the aisle filling choices that face you while trying to answer the supposedly simple question: “What toothpaste should I buy?”


And that is just from Colgate...picking a toothpaste is not an easy choice. It is not as though all you need to do is pick your favorite brand – Colgate or Crest? Get past the brand and then you are confronted with an array of some 20-plus varieties, including Baking Soda & Peroxide Whitening with Tartar Control Brisk Mint Paste, Sparkling White Mint Zing, Herbal White, and SpongeBob SquarePants Bubble Fruit. And that is just on the Colgate end of the aisle. Over in Crest there is Vivid White, Rejuvenating Effects, Fresh Citrus Breeze, and Kids’ Spider-Man Super Action Liquid Gel.

Really do we need this many options in order to brush our teeth?

Well someone has finally answered this puzzler for me. You can read the entire article here if you would like, but here are some of the highlights.

...The toothpaste aisle is the purest example of what happens when something prosaic gets whipped up into something special through the magic of design…

...While segmentation is happening all over the store, it’s most extreme in the toothpaste aisle, where you’ve got a mature product category trying to act immature…

...Whitening. Tartar control. Fresh breath. Exotic flavor. Cartoon characters. Glamour. Day-Glo color. Tit for tat. More whitening. It is like nuclear proliferation: escalation without end…

...Another reason the toothpaste aisle looks the way it does is that, through the miracle of computerized manufacturing and design, it takes no time to create a new variety of just about anything…

...pure desperation. Neither company can stop the ramp-up in brand extensions because feverish permutation is the only way to hang on to market share...

What does it really come down to? This is the perfect example of capitalism on technology steroids. You see, there are only so many toothpaste buyers and therefore the market is finite. We basically have two large companies trying to maintain or grow their market share and the only way they can do it is by one-upping the other. This is capitalism at its finest – steal the other guy’s customers and drive them out of business. The problem is that technology has made it so fast and easy to roll out a “new” toothpaste. So as soon as Crest comes up with a new package or flavor, Colgate can copy them in weeks – as can every other manufacturer. So these companies find themselves in a never ending develop-something-new cycle and we end up with a “new” version of toothpaste on a regular 30 day cycle.

Now the question that will now haunt me in the minutes that fill my mind between awake and slumber is - When will it all end? Will toothpaste eventually need its own aisle in the supermarket? Will we need to have toothpaste boutiques to hold all the choices? Will the government need to step in and solve the toothpaste crisis? A national toothpaste? Oops…sorry socialism rearing its ugly head.

The problem with capitalism is that it preys on the natural stupidity of the masses. If you market something differently, then the public is dumb enough to believe that it is different no matter how mundane the product is. Toothpaste hasn't changed in decades. They just repackage their product and we try it because it is new. They come out with a new flavor and we try it because it is new. In the end, it is still just toothpaste. Hey, Joe the Consumer, try picking a toothpaste and sticking with it. It is a simple concept, stop buying what is “new” and they will stop making new things. Then maybe capitalism will work as it should and we can get rid of some of these toothpaste choices and eventually some toothpaste companies.

So, now that the toothpaste mystery has been solved, I guess I can focus on some of the other nagging question I have, like:

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

It is going to take me a long time to fall asleep tonight. Have a nice weekend.

My Quest Ends

My three year search is almost over. No, I am not talking about finding one of the thirteen women on the planet that I am destined for; I am talking about my three year search for a living room chair. Yes I am that picky…didn’t the one in thirteen women tell you that much about me.

In actuality, the search ended about six months ago. In late August, I found the chair I wanted. I ordered it. I expected it to be here before Christmas. BUT – apparently someone forgot to order it at the factory in Denmark. Yes, I said Denmark. And since the factory had not made my chair, I did not get it before Christmas. Instead I had to wait another two months for it to arrive.

But alas, the day has come. The new chair is scheduled to be delivered tomorrow. That is unless something else goes wrong. Let’s hope not…three years is long enough.

I would post a picture of it, but if you saw it, you would wonder what the hell I waited six months for. I am wondering that as well.

Tis the Season

You know what the hardest thing about Christmas shopping is?

It isn't trying to find a parking spot.

It isn't the crowds at the malls.

It isn't trying to figure out what the hell to buy everyone.

It is not ending up with a bag full of things that are for me.

Good luck out there!

The King Has No Clothes

So someone told me this week that one of the main reasons the Prius is the most popular Hybrid is because when you drive it, people know you are driving a hybrid. It has become a status symbol. The car is so distinctive that everyone knows it is a hybrid. Can you imagine buying an ugly car just so you can show your friends that you have gone green? I guess it really is true what Bill Crystal always used to say, “It is better to look good than to feel good.” Or in this case, it is better to show you are green than to just be green.

I am not sure if you have noticed, but Honda is now combating marketing dilemma in their new commercials. There is one with a dad and his teenage daughter and she asks him to drop her off a few blocks from the school because all the other parents are driving hybrids. He points out that his Honda is a hybrid and then the girl is happy.

I guess I really shouldn’t be that surprised by our superficial society. I mean I have witnessed for years that people will wear, carry or own something that looks ridiculous just to show that they are hip or important. I mean look at all the people who carry around a Coach bag. That Coach pattern has to be the ugliest pattern I have ever seen and yet people still pay a fortune for THAT bag. And if you are wondering which pattern I mean, I mean all of them. It would really not surprise me that some marketing genius came up with the whole idea. You know if we make things distinctive, even if they are ugly, we can market them as rare or hip or have to have and every wanna be idiot out there will buy it.

I have never understood the need to be trendy. Don’t get me wrong, anyone who knows me will tell you that I will spend any amount of money on something I really want. I just don’t buy something because the rest of the world thinks it is cool. For this reason I am likely to buy the Honda hybrid. Mainly because the Prius is one ugly car and I don’t really care if people see me in my Honda and don’t know I have gone green. I am more interested in saving our environment, well and driving by more gas stations without having to stop.

So do me a favor and the next time you are out shopping and you see that hip trendy item that everyone has, really look at it. Please decide for yourself whether you want it and don’t let the opinion of the masses make your decision for you. I mean really, have the masses made that many great decisions lately? Make your own decisions and stop falling prey to the marketing machine that is American capitalism.